I have a friend who thinks a lot. He even has ‘the face’ – you just know he’s caught up in his own thoughts. We used to be quite close – I think because I understood what he means when he says something and vice versa. They’re more feelings than thoughts: feelings that you can’t quite put into words, but in not being able to describe those feelings we fully understood each other. Sometimes I think perhaps we were both just desperate to have someone who understands so we pretended to understand. I don’t think we’d ever know, because how can you be sure if you can’t even put these things into words? I don’t think I’ve seen ‘the face’ in a while. Maybe he’s happier. Maybe I only saw it because I was looking for it.
Today is one of those days. Maybe not exactly drowning in my own thoughts, but there are so many words that they’re spilling over and I need to let it out. They’re so heavy, these thoughts, and confusing, mostly. No, they don’t really matter, but they’re so pressing. It’s like this friend I was talking about. He’s okay and I’m okay and we’re okay. Yet I think about how I’m doing all these thinking today and I think of this person and my thinking just gets louder and louder; so loud that I don’t think I really heard my girl friend over the phone tonight even though no one else was speaking.